im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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