You just made me feel so damn special
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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