I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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