so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
