let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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