p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
