just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
