I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
