i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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