nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
