It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
