There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Farmville is her only friend.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
