i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
