I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
