The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
