i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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