I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
