okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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