im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
