who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
