paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
