How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
