I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
