i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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