Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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