i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
