Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
