Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
