Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
