after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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