y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
