Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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