i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
