I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
a search helicopter?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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