I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
