We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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