I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
