I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
