At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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