I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
