I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
