like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
