i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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