I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
