took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
