come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
