I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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