I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
