**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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