She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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