Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
